Just the other day, a client emailed me something I know will strike a chord with many of you.
“You always tell me to ask questions—get donors talking,” he wrote. “But this week I met someone different.”
You know the type: calm, polished, leaning back with an unreadable smile. He simply says, “So… how can I help you?”—then waits.
These silent, deep-pocketed prospects can feel mysterious, even intimidating.
But don’t worry—I’ve gathered a few simple moves that will coax them out of their shells.
Engaging a quiet donor isn’t an interrogation; it’s a waltz—sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow, but the rhythm can’t stop.
Think of the first step as finding the beat you share.
Picture yourself at a simcha when someone mentions they’re into learning Maharal sefarim, or biking—whatever lights you up. The conversation sparks instantly—you’re finishing each other’s sentences like long-lost siblings.
Now shift to your quiet gvir across the table.
Maybe his passion is collecting rare sefarim or restoring vintage British cars—interests you’ve never explored. That’s fine. Bring them in anyway:
“I heard you track down first-edition sefarim—what sparked that pursuit?”
“How did you get into rebuilding classic Jaguars?”
Showing genuine curiosity about his world, even if it isn’t yours, lays the groundwork for real rapport.
When the room is still
And what if he still doesn’t talk? Share first. Offer a brief story that connects your life to the mission of your mosad; vulnerability often unlocks trust.
If the conversation then drifts into quiet, resist the urge to fill the gap. Silence is often just thinking time. Those pauses may feel stormy, yet they’re usually nothing more than breathing room. When the hush settles, inhale, count to five, and let him decide when to speak.
Once he does, listen for where they want to steer the conversation. If he leans toward the organization’s impact or future plans, follow their lead. As their interest grows, their openness will, too.
Throughout, respect his space. Some donors are simply more comfortable as listeners.
Still waters run deep; a raised eyebrow, a quick smile, or a scribbled note can whisper the very values and interests the donor leaves unspoken.
Five golden beats to remember
- Find common ground – start with a shared interest.
- Share first – model openness and trust.
- Honor silence – give them thinking room.
- Follow their lead – talk impact if that’s where they steer.
- Respect the role – listeners aren’t disengaged; they’re deliberate.
One meeting rarely unlocks everything. Patience, flexibility, and genuine curiosity turn cautious listeners into lifelong partners.
Keep the lines open—and keep dancing.
Have a great week,
Avraham
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