“Just five minutes.”
That’s what he told me when I was finally shown into his office. This was back in my fundraising days. He was running 45 minutes late, and when I asked how much time we had, he said five minutes.
Aha.
He had built a successful business and had not yet become involved in giving. I had come prepared to tell him about our organization, but five minutes was not enough to do that properly. So I decided to spend the next four and a half minutes talking about him.
I looked around his office and asked, “What’s your story? How did you get to where you are today?” Ninety minutes later, his assistant came in and told him she could not keep pushing off the rest of his schedule.
In those 90 minutes, I had barely said a word. I had just listened. He had room to talk about what mattered to him, and I began to understand him.
That meeting stayed with me. I’ve seen this many times since:
Before your next donor meeting, prepare what you want to learn about him, not only what you want to tell him.
We usually do the opposite. We prepare the programs we want to discuss, the needs we want to explain, and the points we want the donor to understand. That matters. But if we start talking before we understand him, we may give a very good presentation and still miss what matters to him.
By listening that day, I learned what he was proud of, how he thought about his success, and what was important to him. As soon as I left, I scribbled down everything I could remember.
That mattered because six weeks later, I might remember that we had a good meeting, but forget the details — what he told me about his family, his business, or what he wanted his giving to accomplish.
When I walked into our next meeting, I was not starting from scratch. I knew what mattered to him, so I could speak about our organization in a way that connected to things he had already told me he cared about.
Later, we made the ask, and he came in with six figures. It was his first major commitment.
The question itself did not produce the six-figure gift. But by the time we made the ask, I was no longer guessing about what mattered to him.
Of course, the timing will be different with different donors. Some will expect an ask in the first meeting. Others may close down if you ask too early. Either way, don’t rush into your pitch before you’ve learned what matters to him.
Prepare two or three questions before the meeting. Stay with his answers instead of using the first pause to bring the conversation back to the mosad. When you leave, write down what you learned while it is fresh.
You might ask:
- “What’s your story?”
- “How did you get to where you are today?”
- “What are you most proud of?”
- “What kinds of things have been most meaningful for you to support?”
If the donor is open and the conversation goes in that direction, you may also be able to ask deeper questions about the values he wants to pass on to his children or grandchildren. If a question feels personal, ask permission before going there.
Before your next meeting, don’t only prepare what you want to say.
Prepare what you want to learn.
© 2026 Avraham Lewis & Co.