This letter from a mega-wealthy donor never actually made it to my desk.
But if it had, it’s something I would show to every Jewish leader I know.
Dear Rabbi,
I’m looking forward to our meeting today.
Before we sit down, I want to share a few things that might help you be more effective with me – and with people like me.
First, a small apology.
I know I’m hard to reach. I know my time is limited. That can be frustrating. Please understand – like you, I’m trying to do too much with too little time.
Second, something important.
I’m more open than ever to making a real difference with my money. The last few years forced me to think deeply about who I am and what I stand for. I give more thoughtfully – and more generously – than I used to.
But here’s the most important thing I want you to understand:
I believe in your organization.
I respect your mission.
I’m impressed by your work.
And still – that alone is not enough.
Believing in a cause does not automatically create personal desire.
If I’m being honest, many of the things I spend money on for myself are more immediately exciting than most of the projects I’m asked to support.
If you want real buy-in – significant, long-term giving – my donation needs to satisfy something personal.
Here’s what I’m actually looking for when I give:
• To feel genuinely needed – like my gift mattered at a critical moment
• To be connected to something meaningful beyond my daily life
• To belong to a circle of peers who give at my level
• To be recognized as a supporter of Torah
• To gain real zechus from my giving
• To steward and protect my wealth responsibly
Some of this may sound self-serving.
That’s because it is.
And it’s also human.
When you consistently meet these needs, my commitment deepens. Over time, I stop being a donor – and become a pillar of your mosad.
Now, you might be thinking:
“That sounds nice. But how am I supposed to get to know you?
You’re hard to reach. You’re busy. And when I finally get time with you, it feels rushed and transactional.”
Fair question.
Here’s the truth.
You don’t get to know me by scheduling longer meetings.
You get to know me by paying attention between the meetings.
Notice which parts of your mission make my eyes light up.
Listen to the stories I respond to – and the ones I don’t.
Watch how I speak about my family.
Ask me simple questions that are not about money:
• “Who shaped your values around giving?”
• “What kind of impact matters most to you?”
And then – remember the answers.
Because even when I seem distant, I’m constantly giving you signals.
Which projects I ask about.
Which emails I reply to.
Which invitations I accept – and which I decline.
All of that is data.
Track it. Reflect on it. Share it internally.
You’ll understand me far better than you think.
And one more truth – perhaps the most important one.
When I say I don’t have time for a relationship, what I usually mean is:
I don’t have time for shallow relationships.
I don’t need more small talk.
I don’t need more newsletters.
I don’t need more lunch meetings.
What I want is meaning.
Bring me your thinking, not just your budget.
Share your dilemmas, not just your successes.
Let me help shape something important, not just fund it.
Do that – and I promise you –
I will make time.
And it’s not just me.
Several wealthy friends were asked what they want from their giving. Here’s what they said:
• To feel they’re making a real difference
• To be seen as leaders in their social world
• To be early supporters of something important
• To repay a debt of gratitude
• To feel generous
• To honor or memorialize a loved one
• To give anonymously – and still feel the impact
• To be a major player in a choshuv mosad Torah
• To influence their community, their country – sometimes the world
• To be close to a visionary leader in Klal Yisrael
• To inspire others to give
• To leave a lasting legacy
Each of us wants something different.
Your job is not to guess.
Your job is to know.
Get to know us. Understand what we need. Learn how your organization can give it to us – not only what you want from us.
Do that well, and you’ll go far.
Warm regards,
A Major Donor
One leadership takeaway
I’ve seen this many times.
The donors who seem hardest to reach are often the easiest to deepen – once a leader stops managing meetings and starts understanding people.
Great fundraising is not about asking better.
It’s about seeing better.
Three leadership shifts:
Curiosity over pitches.
Two good questions. More listening.
Signals over spreadsheets.
What they ask about. What they show up for.
Thinking over funding.
Invite them into vision before you invite them into giving.
This is the quiet work of great fundraising leadership.
And it’s how long-term donors are built.
Have a most successful week,
Avraham
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Have a most successful week,
Avraham
© 2026 Avraham Lewis & Co.